Continue if you dare…

October 7th, 2016 by

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Posted in Group 1 Writers... | | | 46 Comments


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  1.    Armandel said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 10:54 am   Reply

    The gust expands widely
    Yet the paper-like leaves are still, They are frozen.
    The gust multiplies.
    Strongly, the gust which is freezing didn’t make anything move at all, all is frozen, a large shadow appears
    Like a man on its last legs, the coconut flew from its tree below.
    With my heart repetitively beating, the coconut made the first sound. The shadow fled, the only thing I could say was a quiet “Hello?” Nothing replied… A shimmer of light blasted into the sky it was fireworks ………..

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 7:32 pm   Reply

      Hello.
      I love your use of short snappy sentences. They really work and add tension to your description.
      I like the fact your sentences start with different ways!
      You have used some personification too – I’m sure you’ll learn how to develop this further, with Miss Langley!
      Well done.

  2.    Tyler I said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 10:56 am   Reply

    Everything is frozen.
    Time had slown down, the island had gone silent, but at that moment…
    The trees started to cave in. Slowly, my head started to drift towards the palm trees, which were now dripping with blood, are they?
    Like a swinging axe, the palm trees started to fall down around me-this must be a nightmare.
    Decelerating, I strayed my head to scan the beach. There was no-one there. I made sure by a loud voice saying “Hello is anyone there?’
    I was knelt down, whilst the trees were piling on me. When I woke up from the black out, I stood up straight and saw a black figure.

    •    Miss Langley's big sisters said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:09 pm   Reply

      Hello, this is a really good attempt at a description with some suspense! Your short sentences really add impact!
      Your use of ellipsis at the start really hooks the reader in… I wonder who the figure is?

      •    Tyler I said,

        on October 10th, 2016 at 10:58 am   Reply

        I wonder who it is aswell

      •    Tyler I said,

        on October 10th, 2016 at 10:58 am   Reply

        I wonder who it is aswell

  3.    Joshua p.b said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 10:58 am   Reply

    Its silent, but deadly
    I feel like theirs eyes in the shadows yet the sea is still.
    This island is dead.
    Suddenly, i looked up to see blood drip from the palm trees above me to temporarily blind me. I relied on my hearing. I heard my son, who died before his 3rd birthday.

    •    Miss Langley's big sisters said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:14 pm   Reply

      Hi,
      Well done on using some short snappy sentences for powerful impact. Your description is really eerie so far particularly when he heard his son…. I want to know more!!!

  4.    amy w said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 10:59 am   Reply

    Silence.
    The palm trees sway lightly and when I listen intently that’s the only noise.
    Silence returns.
    Cautiously, I turn my head to the palm trees and they move slightly. A small snap came from in the distance, which is only a couple of metres away.
    With my heart pounding, I crept along the scorching hot sand, dodging a couple of rocks, and all I could muster was a little “Hello?”
    Silence. A shiver ran down my spine.
    The leaves flutter yet there is no wind. I start to run. I hear some faint footsteps behind me. They get nearer and nearer. I keep running.
    I get goose bumps.
    Stillness returns….

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:19 pm   Reply

      Wow… There is some good description here and I definitely want to know more!!
      I like how you use different sense descriptions particularly sound.
      I like how you describe the leaves!

      •    amy w said,

        on October 10th, 2016 at 10:36 am   Reply

        thank you miss langleys big sister

  5.    Luke b said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 11:00 am   Reply

    There is nothing here.
    All happy memories are erased from this place and all is terribly still.
    All is dead.

    Suddenly, a twig snaps. I slowly turn my head to only see a phantom. My heart pounding. I Slowly turn around. It was no use. It was everywhere.
    ‘’What do you want?’’ I ask
    ‘What I want?’’ Replied the phantom, laughing. It was toying with me.
    My heart is racing.
    ‘Why so scared Dr. grant?’ Said the phantom.
    How does it know my…?’’ I thought ‘’ No, it can’t be.’’

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:22 pm   Reply

      Hi,
      Your description is really spooky! The first few short snappy sentences really draw me in to want to read more!!
      I like how you used the sentence ‘It was toying with me.’

  6.    sophie said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 11:03 am   Reply

    Grey clouds gather.
    The water is still yet the palm trees dance.
    The greyness persists.
    Loudly, screams surround me , but no one else is there – I’m alone.
    Silence appears.
    The winds whispered, and I whispered “hello?” as I watched the water wash up a dead body…
    Silence again.
    It was so quiet, it was indescribable.
    As I scanned my eyes around the beach , I spotted a bloody axe hanging from a massive oak tree .
    The screaming returns.
    In the corner of my eye I saw a dark figure sprinting from behind a tree.
    “Who is he?” I thought to myself.

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:24 pm   Reply

      This really opens well and makes me want to read more!
      Why have you described the trees as “dancing” this is a great technique and is called personification. Do you know what this is?

  7.    Jacob said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 11:03 am   Reply

    The silence is early.
    The palm trees start to shiver but nothing else is making a sound.
    The silence returns.
    Slowly, The clouds start to surround me with a slight drizzle, which softly wets my cheeks. Gradually, the rain became heavier -soaking my clothes. Shivering, I jumped out my hammock and sat beneath it on the cold sand “Why?” I grumbled – it’s supposed to be the Caribbean not England.”
    I began to scan the area, with my torchlight in hand. All of a sudden, I heard a twig break. I swerved back and…

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:26 pm   Reply

      Hello!
      Wow you have used some powerful vocabulary particularly your verbs and some effective short sentences for suspense. I want to know what happens next!

  8.    Kyle said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 11:05 am   Reply

    It is silent.

    Only the sea is awake, yet I stand still.

    Darkness.

    Slightly, I turn my head to the sea, which is hauntingly quiet. Like a sleeping serpent ready to engulf, the sea is calm but could strike at any minute.

    Something licks me on my hand. “Snowflake, are you there?” It’s my dog, who died two years ago. It can’t be, can it? Looking around, it feels indescribable. Then I steadied myself for a moment and mustered a silent cry. “Who, what, why?” Whilst crying in the process.

    How?

    Astonishingly, sereneness returns.

    •    Amy w 6L said,

      on October 7th, 2016 at 1:18 pm   Reply

      That’s awesome – thats really good

      •    Kaitlyn said,

        on October 8th, 2016 at 7:39 am   Reply

        Ah cool you gave me the shivers and made me nearly jump out of my bed

      •    Kyle S said,

        on October 10th, 2016 at 10:51 am   Reply

        Thanks for commenting Amy and Kaitlin – I’m so happy.

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:31 pm   Reply

      Wow. This is amazing! You have used some short sentences well for suspense and you have drawn me in – I want to read more!!
      I particularly like how you describe the sea like a serpent ready to engulf. Wow! This is called personification as you have described the sea with lifelike real qualities! This is very impressive 🙂

      •    Kyle S said,

        on October 10th, 2016 at 11:08 am   Reply

        Thank you very much – I’m so enthusiastic about these things.

  9.    Issy said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 11:08 am   Reply

    The chill is blood-curdling…
    A flag waves in the distance, but the majority of the beach is still.
    I feel numb…
    Anxiously, I take my first steps on the isolated beach, where darkness looms. Like an aggravated giant ready to stomp on pitiful humans, something nearly hit me on the head.
    I noticed her: she had hazel-brown eyes and curly, blonde locks of hair- “Miss, hello there,”- I was in a state of euphoria until, she vanished from existence.
    Surely, I am alone…
    At first, I notice the trunk of the palm trees, scratched and brittle, but then I see the water, black and oily.
    “What is happening?” I scream.
    Suddenly, the woman appears again, but instead of lovely blonde hair and dreamy brown eyes, she had snakes for hair and evil, red eyes.
    That is all I remember, before I woke up in hell….

    By Issy

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:32 pm   Reply

      Hey –
      You have used some amazing vocabulary!
      I love your use of ellipsis to keep me in suspense. I definitely feel hooked and would like to read more!!!

      •    Issy said,

        on October 10th, 2016 at 10:39 am   Reply

        Thank you Miss Langley’s big sister. We have heard a lot about you. I am very glad that you enjoyed my tense paragraph. I look forward to you writing again.
        P.S What is your favourite word?

  10.    Harrison said,

    on October 7th, 2016 at 11:11 am   Reply

    I feel haunted.
    I noticed the darkness and the gloom, as I woke up in the middle of nowhere.
    Pitch black.
    Anxiously, I striped the bushes from every leaf I touch. Where am I?
    Like a door getting slammed off its hinges, the towering palm tree beside me collapses on a howling wave and explodes with a huge splash!
    A violent wave collides with my feet but it feels suspicious. I am right, aren’t I? A shadow creeps behind me and I get goose bumps. Next thing I know, I feel a light touch on my shoulder: it was like a feather on my shoulder and after about two minutes, I feel weird…

    •    Miss Langley's big sister said,

      on October 9th, 2016 at 8:35 pm   Reply

      Hello,
      Well done for using a range of different sentence types. Your short snappy sentences add suspense and your rhetorical questions are effective! I love your descriptive similes they really add power to your description. I wonder what happens next!!?

  11.    Kaitlyn said,

    on October 8th, 2016 at 7:41 am   Reply

    This is really good I enjoyed reading it.

  12.    Kaitlyn said,

    on October 8th, 2016 at 7:44 am   Reply

    These are really good I enjoyed reading them.

  13.    Danielle said,

    on October 8th, 2016 at 6:47 pm   Reply

    Good stories – I can’t wait until everyone has put them up because they are really amazing stories.

  14.    Miss Langley said,

    on October 9th, 2016 at 7:23 pm   Reply

    These chilling beach descriptions show that you’re all learning how to vary your sentence structures and your language choices!

    Well done!

  15.    Kirsty said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 10:35 am   Reply

    I can’t hear a sound….
    The palm branches are swaying in the distance, but everything else is still.
    Silence again….
    Carefully, I slowly take a glance around to see if anyone else is here with me (which would be a relief).
    With my heart pounding, I take another look around to make sure no one else is here with me.
    It went quiet,
    I can see a white figure in the distance, I shouted “excuse me….um hell, hey wait come back! “ I screamed.
    By kirsty

  16.    kaitlyn G said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 10:45 am   Reply

    I’m all alone,
    Nobody’s in sight and my feet are bare on the frozen sand.
    Loneliness falls again.
    Slowly, I allow myself to look around me to see the horror of the sea. With all that’s happened, my life has now turned into a horror.
    Like a witch flying above, the clouds are turning greyer and greyer and the noise is echoing through the palm trees.
    Shaking, I slowly turn and cup my nervous hands around my mouth and manage to mutter out ‘HELLO! IS ANYONE THERE?’

  17.    caitlyn said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 10:49 am   Reply

    All is frozen.
    Nobody in sight and the sea is like ice. No wind is felt but even though there is no wind, I feel like someone is waching me.
    The silnece returns.
    Slowly my eyes look where the noise was coming from. Nothing. I look the other way.Nothing. I feel like a white streek has gone down my back. Someone must be here,but where?
    Like a demon slicing a body, a cocanut fell and made a big bang. I cupped my nervous hands around my mouth and managed to shout, ” HELLO IS ANYONE THERE!?”
    I regret shouting so much.
    Somehow I calmed down a little but my body was still shacking. I am still freaked out about the cocanut. It must be a nightmare , musn’t it?…

  18.    Caitlyn-marie said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 10:53 am   Reply

    All is frozen.
    Nobody in sight and the sea is like ice. No wind is felt but even though there is no wind, I feel like someone is waching me.
    The silnece returns.
    Slowly my eyes look where the noise was coming from. Nothing. I look the other way.Nothing. I feel like a white streek has gone down my back. Someone must be here,but where?
    Like a demon slicing a body, a cocanut fell and made a big bang. I cupped my nervous hands around my mouth and managed to shout, ” HELLO IS ANYONE THERE!?”
    I regret shouting so much.
    Somehow I calmed down a little but my body was still shacking. I am still freaked out about the cocanut. It must be a nightmare , musn’t it?…

  19.    lakshmi said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 10:56 am   Reply

    Darkness fills the air.
    The palm tree leaves rustle yet there is no wind. Darkness.
    Cautiously, I look at my surroundings which are now filled with howling echoes.
    Shivering, I scan the empty area. I watch a black move – my heartbeat started pounding as I call out, “hello?” (it was indescribable).The shadow turned around…
    Like broken glass, the waves slice at my feet as the shadow in front of me approaches. “What do you want from me?” I cried, as I got closer and closer. My heart froze for a moment.
    There was nothing left to say. My heart started pounding again, until I felt my hair being pulled by the wind. Once again, there was no wind though my face got paler and paler as I hear the faint, crunching footsteps get closer and closer.

    by; Lakshmi s

  20.    Danielle said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 11:00 am   Reply

    All is quiet.

    The palm trees branches were breaking, and the sea a terrifying red colour.

    Silence.

    Bravely, I turned my head back towards the sea; it wasn’t a red colour anymore: it was back to the normal blue colour, which made me shiver. I turned my head to scan the area then I managed to call out a “Hello?” but, all I heard in reply was a swift whisper. My heartbeat got really quick and I was shivering.

    As loud as thunder, one of the twigs on the tree snapped off and dropped to the ground with a big thud. My heart skipped a beat. I was petrified.

    Again, I turned my head, but this time, I saw something moving. I didn’t quite make out what it was. It just looked like a misty black figure.

    I was so terrified and I knew I had to do something. I ran inside, screaming…
    By Danielle M

  21.    Joshua said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 11:14 am   Reply

    No one is here.
    The palm tree branches sway in the soft wind, yet the sea is completely still.
    Stillness returns.
    Suddenly, I hear an alarming noise behind me. This fills me with fear. It is the most terrifying moment of my life. It touches me. It feels like I am having a panic attack. I can’t believe I’m still stood here.
    Well for now…
    Like a wrecking ball, a sudden gust shakes the tall palm trees and coconuts rain down.
    The coconuts crack open. I look in them; there is nothing inside but an empty core.

  22.    Casey said,

    on October 10th, 2016 at 1:00 pm   Reply

    Quietness surrounds me.

    The branches are starting to brake off the trees and the ocean is coming closer with a horrible storm.

    Quietness surrounds me once again.

    Cautiously, I looked up to the sky, which was gloomy grey coloured. All of a sudden, the clouds come together and the ocean had huge waves coming too close to the island where I was standing.

    As deafening as a colossal explosion, I could perceive the lightning, slicing down from a far distance.

    I turned my head to scan the area all around, with my heart pounding, I ran to my den (before it turned night). I could hear the footsteps behind me, but all I could muster was a “Hello?”

    Again, I span my head, but this time I heard a growl (or it could been my tummy but I didn’t really know for sure).

    Eventually, I got in my den and I lay down gazing at the stars…

    By Casey P


  23. on October 10th, 2016 at 1:00 pm   Reply

    Good stories

  24.    Kirsty said,

    on October 12th, 2016 at 6:26 am   Reply

    Great work!
    We all had a lot of fun writing these then typing them up.

  25.    Miss Elliott said,

    on October 25th, 2016 at 12:02 am   Reply

    Hello Group 1 Writers

    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your writing. I can tell that you have all been working extremely hard and listening carefully to Miss Langley. It was lovely to see lots of you on Friday. I’ll be keeping an eye on the blog and seeing how well you are doing. Keep up the good work.

    Miss Elliott 🙂

  26.    kirsty said,

    on October 28th, 2016 at 3:02 pm   Reply

    I had so much fun doing this ! All these stories are really good.

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